Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Suckered Again

I recently became excited because I discovered Firefly, the series Fox killed in its cradle, would see a revival on Netflix. As my excitement reached a frenzy, a friend drenched me with reality, pointing out the information was a hoax. Who does stuff like that?

I decided to go exploring, just to see what other hoaxes might be out there waiting to pounce. My research delivered immediate results. The Washington Post listed its worst 15 internet hoaxes. Here are their top five, if you want to read the rest, click the link.

1. There was no three boobed girl.  That's numero uno? I didn't even realize it was a thing.
2. 4chan didn’t leak Emma Watson’s nudes. What? Then the mystery is still unsolved,
3. That super-viral “drunk girl” video was staged. I have some ex-students...
4. Bikers didn't "surrender" the Brooklyn Bridge to pedestrians. Didn't know it was taken.
5. A disfigured 3-year-old was not kicked out of a Mississippi KFC. 

Wow, Those are like the lamest hoaxes. Couldn't the prestigious journalistic team at the Washington Post have come up with something a bit more interesting? Even Mashable came up with something a bit more interesting. Remember "Bill Gates Wants to Give You Money?" What about "The Giant Camel Spiders of Iraq?" or "Hercules, the Giant Dog?" And then there was the ever popular "How to Charge an Ipod with an Onion?" All they needed was a great infomercial.

Keep in mind that I'm not talking about the sort of hoaxes your crazy uncle is going to scream about this coming Thanksgiving, you know..the political ones. I'm talking about stuff like Hercules. Who creates that sort of hoax. And why? And who believes them? Besides me? When we're talking about Firefly coming to Netflix. Hey, at least I was suckered in by something important.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Post Halloween Depressive Disorder

After Halloween passes, there's always a bit of a let down for lovers of horror and genre. We put away our orange and black streamers and throw out the pumpkins. Decorations are carefully boxed, and some of us head off for the Halloween Store the day after so we can enjoy the 50% off sale for items for next year.

So what's the best way to cope heading into mid-November, feeling the press of Thanksgiving and Christmas? After all that anticipation, how do we deal with the After-Halloween-Blues?

Here are five suggestions, although I'm not sure any of them will really do the job, but let me know if you have others.

1) Embrace the coming holidays. Whether it's Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, Festivus, or New Years Eve, just enjoy it. Maybe try leaving out your Halloween stuff, but add a bit of glitter. Got a zombie on the front porch? Give him a sparkly wreath or a Santa Hat. Got a hand of glory? Eight fingers make a great menorah.

2) Form a Post-Halloween Support Group for PHDD (Post Halloween Depressive Disorder). Why not a twelve step group for after Halloween? "My name is Stewart, and I'm a Post Halloween Depressive." Hi, Stewart! "It's twelve days after Halloween, and I keep turning on the porch light and looking for kids. The police have started driving by real slow."

3) Denial. Okay. Forget everyone else and the endless holiday commercials on TV. As far as you're concerned, it's still October 31st, and it's going to stay that way until next September, when you're legally able to anticipate Halloween. The only break you may be the Superbowl. But that's it. (and maybe Valentines Day...and St. Patrick's Day...maybe April Fools Day, and Aunt Margie's birthday...but that's it!!!)

4) Overdose..purge it from the system. I know you don't think it possible, but consider it aversion therapy for Halloween fanaticism. Force yourself to eat nothing but Mary Janes for two weeks whHocus Pocus on a continual loop. Or wear your favorite costume for the entire month of November, complete with mask. Don't worry about work disapproving, you have civil rights! Just cite the Religious Freedom Protection Act!
ile watching

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Relaunch Tomorrow

There's nothing I like talking about more than genre, especially dark fiction and dark cinema. I can sit down and discuss it for hours, going on and on about personalities, tropes, motifs, and trends in genre. Maybe it's because I write horror and dark fantasy (The Emerald Key, The Ravening). Maybe it's because I have no life.

Given that this is who I am, I'm rededicating myself to this blog, and focusing on genre, promising the kind of discussion that fans, especially those living in their parents basements, will love. I'll be posting three to four times a week. You think that's a lot? Me too, but I'm retired, so what the hell? And it will give me a chance to start trying my hand again at cartooning, something my father used to beg me to choose as a career. Of course, he also kept insisting I wear black garbage bags and eat nothing but dog biscuits.

So, watch for the first of the new HOUSE OF STERNBERG tomorrow. It will look the same, but now with more "Sternberg." Hey, it's a process.