When friends get together, they often have the most idiotic discussions imaginable. In instances of male-bonding, the stupidity often reaches thermonuclear levels. Earlier today, perhaps working through the trauma it left on my mind, I recalled the amazing debate that occurred in the basement of a friend as we studied a war game's map (it spanned an entire ping pong table and a hex-grid superimposed on the map allowed us to plan our attacks using tiny cardboard squares called "chits".............I'm sorry, I'll get back to the story).
"What do you mean you don't believe in right and wrong?" asked Bob, his voice deepened with frustration.
Survivalist Brian, who also had the nickname "He-Who-Disturbs-the-Cosmic-Winds-While-Sailing-On-A-Sea-of-Minutia", shrugged. "I don't believe in right and wrong. It's all relative."
I should point out we all had nicknames in the basement. Brian's was based on his anal retentive nature as well as his tendency toward flatulence. Bob's nickname was "He-Who-Is-Cognizant-Of-All-Points-In-Space-and-Time-and-Yet-is-Master-of-None."
"What if I killed your family," said Bob.
"That would be your right."
"But then I would have the right to come back and kill you in return. You can't expect to do something and not have a consequence."
"And who gives us these rights?"
I could admit that this is the point where three people turned to me and screamed obscenities, but if I did you wouldn't have the true flavor of the basement. I was not usually allowed to move my own "chits". As they were very tiny and I am fairly clumsy, I usually ended up dropping them and scattering things about.
"No one gives us these rights," said Brian, returning to the discussion.
"Then how are they determined to be rights?"
"They just are."
"So they're an absolute?"
"There are no absolutes. Everything is relativistic."
He-Whose-Sexuality-Is-Often-Questioned-and-Yet-To-Be-Established-Beyond-a-Reasonable-Doubt spoke up. "If everything is relativistic, then there's no God."
"Oh there's God," Brian said. He was Irish Catholic.
"You can't have God in a relativistic worldview."
"You can if God Himself is relative."
Bob made a strangled sound and lunged across the table, upsetting the chits and scattering several mechanized divisions across Europe.
People turned and screamed obscenities at me out of force of habit.