Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Butt....

I went to see my doctor because I needed a refill on a couple of prescriptions. It's a game we play. He won't give me a refill unless I come in. It's his way of getting his hands on me.

"I should probably have a blood test," I said. "Oh, and can you give me that test they do for prostates?" As soon as I said this, my doctor's eyes lit up and out came the industrial strength glove. I should have kept my mouth shut. I won't describe this process, other than to say I regained a limberness I hadn't had since high school.
"And we'll have to do an ultrasound?"

I've had ultrasounds, so I wasn't concerned. Until he showed me where and how they planned to accomplish this. "I get drugs right?" I asked.

"No, no. You'll just clean yourself out with an enema and we'll send something up there. It's nothing."

"I'm not doing this. Give me a colonoscopy. Give me drugs, then we can talk."

"You have blood in your stool, you're going for the test."

"I've had cancer before," I argued. "What the hell? Besides, I've had my H1N1 shot."

I thought I had won the argument. Then he called my wife. Are they allowed to do that?

So...Feb 8th.

11 comments:

Sidney said...

I hate doctor visits.

Charles Gramlich said...

This was painful to read. Not because of your situation, mind you! But because I can see myself and will see myself here soon. Sigh!

Sullivan McPig said...

Egh...... Good luck!!

Christine Purcell said...

That sounds really unpleasant. I hope everything is all right.

Rick said...

Yeah, they are allowed to call your wife. Or anyone else necessary to bully you into the test. Keep healthy, friend. We're all crossing our fingers for you on this one.

Travis said...

Calling the wife? That's definitely cheating. But they get to do it anyway.

Hope all is well.

SQT said...

How did you and I get the same doctor? I just went and saw mine today after she coerced me into coming to see her regarding a prescription. And blood was drawn...

Kate S said...

Calling the wife was a low blow (in the midst of other low blows.) Please take care of yourself, and please don't put things like "cancer" and "death" in your post labels while talking about this. Geez. Think positive!

Fab said...

They are very cunning, docs. I just had my wisdom teeth pulled at the hospital and the doc tried to convince me into having surgery on my jaw, saying it was a bit to the back... No docter in my life had noticed it and suddenly she did? Wheeling me in for her own business, that's what I think!

L.A. Mitchell said...

That's what they get the big bucks for--strapping on the latex and going where no man has gone before. I hope everything turns out well for you :)

Stewart Sternberg said...

Thank you all for your well wishes and forgive me for not responding before now or individually. I will keep you posted.