Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Gathering Evil


The deer are out there.
Waiting.

About eight years ago I had just purchased a new car. Driving along the coast of Lake Huron, on my way to work one morning, I looked out over the windshield and BANG. One second I saw road, the next second I saw deer. A couple thousand dollars worth of damage and a week later, I was on my way home at night. Dusk. Again, in front of me? Deer. Two of them, standing frozen in the road. I didn't have time to stop, so I...steered between them. I'm still amazed at this. They were standing frozen and I steered between them. Since this happened I've had two other incidents with my car and deer.

I see deer almost each morning now as we head into the hunting season. They stand by the side of the road and mock me, wiggling their private parts in my direction while taunting in Brooklyn accents. I've seen them defacing road signs, saying rude things to children waiting for school buses. I've seen them pretending to be civil to one another. I've seen them gambling and wearing cheap make-up.

It used to be about Bambi. I used to look down at hunters. I still look down at hunters. I think the time has come to hit the forests from above, raining down napalm on the antlered fiends.

9 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

So, you've finally discovered what we folks from the south knew long ago. Deer are the devil's handmaids. But they taste pretty good in venison form.

Rick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rick said...

Give them no quarter, Stewart! Or dimes or nickels. You could, however, refer them to the bailout package where their political brethren have been behaving like them frozen in the glare of oncoming headlights.

Barbara Martin said...

Deer have always been blinded by the sudden glare of headlights. If you were driving over the speed limit, then, of course, it is difficult to stop or slow in time.

I would understand your complaint if it had been skunks rather than deer. Once you hit one with your car, you can never get the stench out.

Donnetta Lee said...

Hubby will be hunting at the end of this month, I believe. One time, he brought home 2 deer and we "dressed them out" right there in my kitchen. I'll never forget the sight of that hoof sticking out of my trash container. The cat was most intrigued. D

Anonymous said...

Smells like...victory!--Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore

Stewart Sternberg said...

barbara...when its dark and a deer is on the move, there is no "seeing" in time. I've avoided quite a few hits, and during this time of year, I tend to drive like a paranoid turtle.

Donetta, I have new respect for hunters. New respect.

Travis said...

I was actually hit by a deer. I was on my way to see the folks, who live out in the shadow of Mt St Helens. I was on the watch for deer, and damned if one didn't decide to run out and slam itself into the side of my vehicle.

I never saw it until the smack.

Virginia Lady said...

When I was new to driving I was driving home from a long trip and had the deer scare. Fortunately, the buck stopped with his hoof on the white line of the road and I passed without injury, and it would have injured me. I was driving a paper thin Datsun at the time, it would've folded under the weight of the huge buck. Glad to hear your experiences haven't done too much damage, though a couple thousand dollars of damage is not exactly minor.

We have an inordinate number of deer in my area as well, and I live in a heavily populated suburban area, one that has been populated for over forty years. I live on less than an acre and see 13-16 deer a day in my yard alone. Too many and no predators to thin them. Only cars and store windows. And yes, they occasionally go through the local store fronts.