Saturday, May 17, 2008

A Wedding

I am going to a wedding tonight.

The first wedding I ever attended was back when I was five, and apparently I was not a hit. At one point, so I am told, my brother (the groom) was seen choking me and my mother had to intercede. "He can't breathe," she said. "That's the idea," he responded.

Apparently, standing on the altar and mocking a rabbi isn't a good idea. Nor is climbing along the railing during the services. Being loud and obnoxious at hushed religious moments aren't considered kosher, either. However, I will maintain to this day that while I remember little about my conduct at that affair, one thing I do remember is the sound of chuckling. It was God. I think God had put me up to it, maybe to remind people not to take things so seriously. Maybe to enjoy the absurdity of a moment. Maybe to warn the bride and groom against having children of their own. Or perhaps, just His way of saying to my brother: "...there, now take that."

And strangely, though I am now fifty three, members of the family still throw the behavior of that five year old in my face. In fact, I received a letter from President Bush recently warning me from attending the wedding of his daughter.

So, tonight, I am off to another wedding. I will go and smile, sit quietly as the bride and groom are wed, and do what all other guests do...save their inappropriate and obnoxious behavior for the reception. And friends, I plan on being extremely obnoxious. Somewhere inside of me, a five year old boy is rubbing his sticky little hands together in sublime anticipation.

8 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

I can totally believe this. Wish I could be there.

Stewart Sternberg said...

I am pleased to announce that I behaved myself at the wedding. I must be getting old. Or it could be it just wasn't my family.

Fab said...

Things are usually more likely to happen when family is around to embarrace. It's an unexplanable thing.

spyscribbler said...

That totally sounds totally like you! That's hilarious.

miller580 said...

Did you behave or was it that some other was more obnoxious and took attention away from your shenanigans?

SQT said...

I'm almost disappointed to hear you behaved.

SQT said...

Oh, and did you get my email? I sent one to you about reviewing a video game.

Kate S said...

Well, shoot. I was looking forward to hearing more tales of Stewart Gone Wild.