Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Sexy Beast

Are writers sexy?

Can one use one's writing skills to attract members of the opposite sex? I'm trying to think of the last playmate who listed "writing" in her profile.

Ah...yes...pimping the writing.

You know, I used to walk into a bar and sidle up to a fox, one hand in my belt, one hand toying suggestively with the gold chain I wore about my neck. With the disco ball spinning and Barry
White crooning in the background, I would wait until the right moment and then whip out a page of manuscript.

"Um..." she would usually respond, eyeing the paper with curiousity as a flush rose from her throat to her cheeks.

"Yeah...I....write," I would respond. "I write....a lot. Wanna see?"

I never waited for a response. Instead, I would craft a word, right there in front of her. Using a Bic medium point black ink pen, I'd write something like: "Hammer" or "Screw".

Nouns..go for the jugular, I thought. Stay away from the adjectives and verbs. Women want something they can wrap their hands around.

If she nibbled at this bait, I would offer to take her back to the apartmentand write an entire sentence. Compound.

You're a writer, you work with what you have. Are writers sexy? You bet your adjective.

23 comments:

Will Kinshella said...

Well, I know I always feel sexy when I write.
Hell, sometimes, when I manage to spit out a particularly lovely sentence, I even start to get a bit aroused.

Stands to reason that it would work on the opposite sex as well.


Will

Turnbaby said...

They certainly can be---it's not 'automatic' but sure!

Charles Gramlich said...

When my wife, ex-wife now, first heard me talk about writing, on our second or third date, I think, she thought it was a line, a rather lame one actually. She used to joke about it a fair amount.

As for the fellow described in your post, which I'm sure is nothing like you, Stewart, I think the only way writing would help him pick up a woman would be to use a heavy manuscript to knock her unconscious.

Stewart Sternberg said...

Will, thanks for the comment and thank God it didn't somehow include Chuck.

Turnbaby..not automatic? Hmmmm.

Chuck, are you saying I need a different delivery?

Vwriter said...

I believe that it was one of Victor Hugo's women who wrote in her journal, "The things that man can do with his pen."

Vwriter said...

I believe it was one of Ayn Rand's men who wrote in her journal, "She makes me wish I was literate. Or should that be were literate. I mean, she makes me wish I could read. And write."

miller580 said...

Thanks stewart for addressing this. It's rather sad but I have to admit that I was wondering why all my female characters secretly want to sleep with me...This clears things up completely...I'm hot.

avery said...

You are a supremely twisted individual, Stewart.

I like you.

Not to go around twisting knickers into bunches, but, does anyone think there might be a double standard, here? That being a writer could be a more enticing sales point for a man luring in women than the other way around? After all, more women read than men, or so the Hearsay Experts are currently claiming. Just curious.

Any women writers out there pick up a dude via the awesome power of the mighty pen?

Kate S said...

"Any women writers out there pick up a dude via the awesome power of the mighty pen?"

Only if it were an epipen filled with hallucinogens and viagra.

Lana said...

I know Charles Gramlich's sexy as hell. Oh yeah, boy! Cut me off a slice of THAT!
BTW, I miss your old, round "House of Sternberg" picture where you're thrusting your hands out at the readers. That was quite "attention grabbing," if you will. The updated blog does look nice, though. Keep up the good work!

Pythia3 said...

Stroking that pen is sexy as hell. Oh hell yea writing is sexy...and writers are...hmmmmmhmmmm.
And Charles, Stewart is the fellow in his post...he's always looking for action, right Stewart? hahahehe
Writing is the most mysterious and elusive art-hobby-job-craft...No one quite knows just exactly what one means by "writing." It's the CIA of the art world.

SQT said...

I like Kate's answer.

You know, I never thought of writers as being sexy. *ducks*
It just never occurred to me. Though when you think about it, rock stars (who write their own lyrics) are basically poets who put their writing to music. And we all know women who view rocks stars as sexy.

So yeah, I guess that works.

avery said...

And that's a purely hypothetical scenario, right, Kate?

Sphinx Ink said...

Okay, back in the day, your announcing yourself to me as a writer would have turned me on. I'd have been interested. On the other hand, the gold chain and disco ball might have canceled out the effect--especially if you were wearing one of those Saturday-Night-Fever shiny shirts unbuttoned halfway down the chest. (I never liked those disco styles.)

I've always been attracted to men with big ... intellects.

spyscribbler said...

Nouns? Nouns! Heck no, we like verbs, like "cuddle," "talk," "hug," "fix" ...

Kate S said...

And that's a purely hypothetical scenario, right, Kate?

Um, yeah, sure. Quickly glances into her purse then longingly eyes the hottie at the bar toying with his gold neckchain...

Nice verbs, Spy, though you forgot "buy" and "take out the trash."

Donnetta Lee said...

Hey, Stewart! Sexy, huh? I will have to consult with my psychologist hubby about that. I knew there was SOMETHING about me that he liked. I thought it was the double D--oh, forget it, it must have been the writing!
Donnetta

Travis said...

I've been known to write, and my lady says I'm sexy. So I answer yes to this question.

Stewart Sternberg said...

I think my wife thinks my writing was sexy. I'm sure of it. I sometimes shake my head and wonder what she saw in me. I'm a lucky man, I guess.

etain_lavena said...

whahahahahahahah.......yes they are....:)

DonkeyBlog said...

Hi Mr Sternberg,

I am sorry that I have had to bow-out of the assignments - a brief respite this week but otherwise I'm in a land of blog censorship - can post but can't read anyone's blogs. I hope all is well with you, Donkey

James Burnett said...

Mr. S, I gotta give it to you. You have just boosted this writer's ego. If I wasn't married, I'd go out to my neighborhood watering hole and try that "yeah, I'm a writer" line. It never worked for me when I was a pup. But then again, I didn't even believe it back then.

Very funny. Good stuff.

Franki said...

It's sexy until you read his stuff and it makes you wanna stick an ice-pick in your eye.

And...

you'll be pickin up the tab cuz he's broke.

;)