Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Rub My Belly

Several years ago, while driving along a street in Detroit, I leaned out my window and called in an annoying sing-song fashion: "I can see your underwear." The two gentlemen, probably unable to get to their guns fast enough to draw a bead on me, shook their heads and continued discussing the relevance of string theory.

It's been about twelve years, people...and yet...young urban males, and many suburban ones, are still sagging their pants. Time to stop.

Sagging, for the blissfully ignorant, is a style that came from prison life, where gang members allowed their pants to sag to their butts. Somehow this translated to cool. Of course. Makes sense. Don't we always look to prison culture for some definition of style?

However, it's been twelve years.

Time to stop. Time to change.

Styles do that, you know. They evolve. Long hair becomes short. Clean shaven becomes bearded. Plunging necklines become turtlenecks. We are people who enjoy variety.
So what's with the sagging still going on?

This year, this year in rural America, I have had to deal with sagging by kids who think they are ghetto. Yes, nothing says ghetto like walking bow-legged in front of a corn field to keep your pants from falling to your knees. Nothing says ghetto like someone named Billy Bob or Cyrus Jay wearing his baseball hat to one side and trying to talk as though he's just stepped out of a rap video.

It's truly a beauteous thing to see someone dressing and acting thug while hanging out at the Four H Club booth at the County Fair, or in front the local feed store, or checking out the action at the granite quarry.

So, city kids...do you really want to be associated with your country cousin? It's time for some creativity. Hell..how about really freaking people out and go nude. No..on second thought..no.

21 comments:

Kate S said...

Ah, love it. But has it really been 12 years? Geez.

The corn boys remind me of the time my daughter (who was about 8 then) wrote "Hell Satin" in big letters on a box in her room. (When asked, she said it meant "Praise Satan.")

I said if you can't even spell it, don't bother.

Stewart Sternberg said...

Hell Satin..some designer brands were just meant to be

SQT said...

Hell Satin is right, that stuff doesn't breath at all.

Vwriter said...

I sense the makings of a great horror story.

Susan Miller said...

All we need is just one National Adult Sagging Day to end it. We must embrace the issue. They still do it because we still bitch.

Hell Satin is priceless.

Fab said...

I don't like men in saggy pants, or should I say boys. How can I assess (no pun intended) the "merchandise" if they cover it up?

E. Cleaver said...

Let it all hang out, bro. Got something to hide? Can't cut it?

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm sorry, I was unable to get past the picture to your message. That image is beyond frightening. I lost my breakfast, last night's dinner, and several other odd meals from last week all at once. My heart stopped but that was OK because there was no air coming in for the blood to pump anyway. My god why do you do such horrific things to your fans.

Stewart Sternberg said...

SQT..better than "Hell polyester".

Vwriter...Rick...oh ye of the pithy oneliners. Yes, there is a horror story in the making here. Maybe. Well...No...probably not.

Sue and Fab, the sagging thing is ridiculous. I am tired of extremes. My concern is that tight pants for men, like the tight low riders for women, will become the new trend.

Keep it up Charles and I'll use the image as part of a banner for the blog.

avery said...

They're still doing it around here, too. And since there is still a proliferation of mullets, feathered hair and scrunchy socks in this vicinity, I'm guessing the trend will stick long after it has died out elsewhere.

Kate's story is like my sister's twelve year-old godson. He was caught tagging a Baltimore building after spraying only two letters, D and O. When asked what he was trying to write, he said, "Dork." Yeah, that was worth getting busted over.

DesLily said...

if that's what the young people want... so be it.. but i do draw the line.. I was in the hospital visiting when my brother was there.. peramedics came in pushing a patient to a room.. one of them had the really saggy pants. Every few steps he was tugging them up somewhat.. this did not bode well with me when I think this man man certainly have to move fast for an emergency and won't have the time to continually pull up his pants! I couldn't believe the job would allow that!

Crunchy Carpets said...

I love seeing the ghetto look and talk in Vancouver...I mean...come on!

Vancouver!

These white kids trying to dress and talk tough in a lingo and accent that doesn't exist ANYWHERE in Canada always cracks me up.

Fab said...

Stewart, tight pants the new craze? It depends who wears them. I know a couple of men who do and there should be a law against tight pants with wrong bodies in it.

I looked at the picture again, only now noticed! ( I have the concentration of a roof tile, sorry). Appropriate on Buddha's birthday.

Jon said...

e. cleaver...good to see your name again. And speaking of "fashion," didn't the original Eldrich CLeaver design men's pants that were snug and constructed with a pouch to hold "the goods?" His thought was that if women were wearing tight tops, men could wear tight bottoms. I guess they didn't catch on because the underwear industy was slow on the uptake. No male cup sizes. No fiberfil. No silicone "chicken fillets." The codpiece never reappeared. They probably would have been made of Hell Satin.

Jon said...

...and why do the scrambled letters I have to enter always seem like a message to me?

oyehfoqu

Christina said...

They were doing that when I was in school, but lately I haven't noticed as much. Children will be children though. I just know that if I ever have a son, I'll buy him pink boxers, then I know he won't feel the need to sag his pants.

miller580 said...

The apartment I was living in offered many examples of the sag. From the 6 year olds up to the 40 year olds. That and the pounding beat at 4 in the morning drove me out.

But it is the corn boys that crack me up (in fact they give new definition to 'corn rows' huh?) I have country relatives that did this very thing...I haven't seen them in a few years but if I had to guess...they are still hill billy thugs. Hell, these are probably the same people you are talking about Stewart.

Too funny. But I think what is scarier is the tight low cut jeans. I personally find it appaling to witness plummer crack, but seeing it on woman...that's too much. Or is it only on the "too much" type of woman.

Down here in florida, woman have taken to the fashion of short tight shirts and too tight of jeans. This look is not flattering on woman who are chunky, however it is not them that bother me. It is the woman who are dare I say the word...obese. Woman who are 250+ belly hanging out and not only plummer crack but the tattered remains of a t-back. When I see this, I pray. I pray that it goes away. I pray for the baggy jeans and boxer shorts.

hpxrrsh
&
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Stewart Sternberg said...

Avery...mullets frighten me. They frighten me bad. There is nothing like going into a local store and seeing every woman with a mullet, or feathered hair, and wearing NASCAR jackets. Don't get me started on NASCAR.

Deslily, just because a young person wants something doesn't meant that young person should get it. I have this urge to pants people left and right.

Crunch..nothing says ghetto like Vancouver. Or Denver. Or Beverly Hills.

Fab...Buddha's not just a religious icon, he's a rock star.

Jon, codpieces. Yes. I think they could catch on if given half a chance. Except, I can imagine oversized ones being vogue. Then sagging.

Christina, if you have a boy and people are still sagging by the time he's a teen, then we have a problem. Or more of a problem. I have a horrible image of politicians starting to sag. I think of Dick Cheney saggin it and it scares me.

Jim, the crack rules. And then sometimes there is spackle.ju

DonkeyBlog said...

No doubt "sagging" became popular in prison on account of the guests all having their belts removed upon entry (their shoe laces as well, as it happens!).

Strange how today's suicide prevention becomes tomorrow's fashion sub-culture. What next? Yellow needle exchange bins in which our children can carry their lunch to school? Oh, very Greenwitch Village!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

What a delightful image, acting thug while hanging out at the 4-H Club booth at the County Fair.

You're right. The ghetto trend-setters are falling down on the job (like their pants) and need to get some new material.

Homemom3 said...

hehe, first that picture cracked me up. (I found you through Angela's blog..freedom of speech) I totally agree, that sag look needs to go. I would be so happy not to see someone's backside, that's only asking for a paddle. lol.