Monday, February 26, 2007

Dinner With The Guys


Here I am on the left, hanging out with a group of guys, just trying to enjoy a Passover. I was going to do a photoshop of me and Mohammad, but I didn't want to cause a riot somewhere.

I'll tell you my take on God. I want God to have an incredible sense of humor. I don't ask for much more than that from the deity. I want a God who can give me an amazing belly-laugh and an astonishing smile. I don't want Him or Her to sigh over the sins of the mortals or be lectured to. I want my God to nod appreciatively and say:

"So, Stew, did you have a good time?":

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad," I'll say. "Oh, there were some curve balls, but..."

"But that's life," He'll say with a laugh. I'll agree.


So here's a few quotes I think the Deity would enjoy:


"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Emo Philips.

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."
Woody Allen.

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’."
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts


All gods are better than their conduct.
-
Mark Twain's Notebook, 1902-1903



29 comments:

Lee said...

I LOVE that you take the place of Mary Magdelene. She was totallu in the way anyhow. ;)

Lucas Pederson said...

Funny picture! Loved the post! I think God is merciful, Stewart, so you never know what he might say when you finally get to meet him. I don't know. The subject of God, real?, not real?, has been an issue for a lot of people out there. Just like some might wonder what will be the first words out of his enternal mouth. I guess we'll see when the time comes, huh?

DonkeyBlog said...

Wasn't Mark Twain a poignant soul? Hope you enjoyed dinner, Mr Sternberg - I bet the gazpacho would have been something to die ofr (oh sorry, that was poor).

spyscribbler said...

Well, um ... ultimately, he can't complain or lecture too much. After all, if one believes in him, then one believes he created us.

In his image, too. Now there's a scary thought!

TopChamp said...

Ha ha - liked the quotes. (not feeling over-chatty this morning)

Stewart Sternberg said...

Lee, I just slipped in when she left to get another plate of chopped liver. It was a nice affair, catered by the Phoenicians.

I don't know about the tender mercies of God, Lucas. I remember a quote from Zorba the Greek:

ZORBA: "I think God is like Zorba. Only bigger, stronger..crazier."

I love Mark Twain. Do you know Donkey that his wife had much of his writing put aside. It wasn't until the fifties or sixties that some of his atheistic writings were allowed to be printed by his estate. Or so I believe.

In his image. I hear that and think of the previous post, spyscribbler. And I shudder, too.

Thanks, Top Champ.

The Sarcasticynic said...

"The more you complain, the longer God makes you live."

Bumper Sticker

etain_lavena said...

whahahahahaha.....so so so funny...
my best friends little boy asked why I don't believe in god, I told him I will tell him one day. He said you must believe he saved us from the meteorites in the 7plages....now who can argue with that:)

miller580 said...

Stewart, you are becoming a photoshop champ! It's too bad Mohamed couldn't join you for dinner. I'd be willing to bet him and Jesus would become drinking buddies.

Anyway, I can't even guess the last time I heard the comic stylings of Emo Phillips. (the freak) he was one of my favorites many moons ago. I wonder what he's up to now.

Thanks for that nugget. I must now search out for some emo mp3's and relive my youth.

Charles Gramlich said...

I notice in the photo, though, that Jesus is looking away from you Stewart. What did you do? What did you DO?

SQT said...

Stewart, it looks like you really have something to say in the photo. Are you telling God jokes or are you trying to warn Jesus about Judas? I just can't tell.

Matt said...

Funny. I always imagined meeting aliens and being amazed at not only their intellects but their senses of humor.

Their humor would be too strong for us to take.

Stewart Sternberg said...

Sarcastic Cynic, If that's the case then I should live for a long time. I wonder if God differentiates between whining and complaining.

Etain, I enjoy when children talk to me about religion. The next time your friend's son asks, may I suggest telling him that God is waiting for him upstairs, breathing heavily in the closet, or laying in wait under the bed, eyes burning divine red.

Jim, did you ever the the South Park where they kept threatening to display an image of Mohammed?

Charles, SQT, I gotta say, from my perspective, Judas was a hero. He bravely stood up for the revolution, turning against a friend who turned his back on his people. VIVA JUDAS!!

Matt, aliens with senses of humor?That's what crop circles are all about.

Sphinx Ink said...

The Sphinx was there in mufti, polishing goblets behind the bar. Weren't you the one who tried to slip the Whoopee Cushion under Jesus? It was a hoot when Judas slipped and fell on it instead. I thought Jesus had a really cool attitude about it all. Nice guy. But you, Stewart, you--how can it be that after almost 2000 years your sense of humor is still juvenile? You are having the longest adolescence on record....

[But seriously, I appreciate the humor. I feel sure the supreme being, whatever it/she/he may be, has a sense of humor.]

fergal said...

nice post!
what was on the menu at dinner?
good service? [no pun intended]
~

JR's Thumbprints said...

Religion's like medicine, I take it in small doses. Religion in prison is like a gang affliation. I often wonder if it's the same in the free world. With that said (and perhaps the Almighty is listening) I hope HE has a sense of humour too.

deslily said...

lol that Emo Philips really thought that out! lol..too funny.

so tell me.. how was the dinner?

Christina said...

I love that fact that you photo shopped yourself into that picture. You keep me laughing! The quotes are too funny. I like the one about stealing a bike. People are a hoot.

Kate S said...

Love it, Stewart!

You might appreciate this if you haven't seen it. I'd like to think God would too. Of course, if you have tender religious sensibilities or are easily offended, I wouldn't recommend it...
Phone Call to God

Donnetta Lee said...

Now you know God has a sense of humor. Just look around! Donnetta

Stewart Sternberg said...

Thanks Sphinx, I saw you there at the dinner. You know, I always wondered why Christians stop celebrating Passover...if it was good enough for Jesus...

Fergal, the dinner menu? Certainly not ham.

Religion in prison conjured up disturbing images J.R...Or it conjures up someone else's fantasy.

thanks delily...Kate, I went to that link and laughed out loud. Thank you so much. We both have a twisted sense of humor.

Thanks Christina. Emo is a strange man.

Thank you, Donetta. God and I have a special relationship...I think. I hope. No, well..okay not.

tkkerouac said...

ha, great photo and thumbnail to, thanks for dropping by.

SQT said...

Kate

You're the big silly!

Love that.

Heather in Beautiful BC said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle :)

etain_lavena said...

I will never change what another person/child believes, his mother is like me spiritual, but he believes in god so we need to embrace that with him. Thats where free will plays a big role....I wont be able to scare the heebeegeebies out of him Stewart he is toooooo sweet:)

Tammie Jean said...

Funny post and photoshopping! I love Jack Handey. This is my favorite one:

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

James Burnett said...

Funny post. I used to be a big fan of Emo Phillips. When I was in high school a local rock radio station aired an hour of stand-up comedy every Sunday night. He was frequently featured on that show.

Jay said...

The stealing the bike quote gives me naughty, naughty ideas.

Carol said...

I love this! I like to think that God has a sense of humor, at least I hope he does cause I have sure done alot of things that must have made him laugh!