Saturday, October 28, 2006

Church of the All Forgiving

My friends, allow me to introduce you to the seducitve Rev. James Maloney, founder of the Church of the All Forgiving. Agents and publishers take note, he is the hero/villian of one of two novels that I am currently marketing: "The Palpable Illusion". If what follows offends, then be careful not to say so out loud, for disapproval is Maloney's nectar. He is a loathsome, delightful, seductive, disgusting, wonderful, heinous, delicious, and unbearable.

What follows is an small excerpt from the novel. It is a part of one of Maloney's sermons:

Maloney stepped back from his podium and stared hard into the television camera. His eyes flashed with insight. He seemed about to speak, but instead held onto his thoughts, giving them careful consideration. The pause was not lost on his audience. People leaned forward, eyes widening and pulses quickening in anticipation.

"On my way here," said Maloney, "I spoke to a woman who asked for guidance. She wanted to know what to do. It seems she had just cheated on her husband and was crippled by the guilt of it all. She wanted me to tell her what to do. Me."

Maloney laughed and shook his head.

"I told this woman not to talk to me, but to talk to God. I told her to just shut the hell up for one moment and tell me what she heard. We stood there, the two of us, holding hands, and listened. And you know what we heard? We heard nothing.


"Do you know why? Because God had already given that foolish woman her answer. Do you understand? God answered her by giving her the opportunity to commit adultery.

"’But I feel so guilty,’" she said.


"’Because I sinned.’"

Maloney’s stepped closer to his audience. He studied their faces and then slowly turned toward the camera. In the control room, William Masterson sighed with admiration. The man had style.

"She felt guilty because she sinned," shouted Maloney. "Do you all know what I said to that? I said: ‘God bless you’. That’s what I said. She sinned. She did God’s will. Sin is God’s will. Sin IS God’s Will. Sin IS. IS. IS!"

"IS!" Someone shouted.

"Amen," responded Maloney. "IS!"

"God forgives your sin. Big or small, God forgives it. He sits in Heaven and waits for those sins to come drifting up to him. He created all that is good and he created all that is sinful. He loves your sin. It satisfies him."

"Is!" Someone in the audience shouted and several others responded.

"Damned right," said Maloney. "Those pious people who believe they are doing God’s will by denying themselves the bounty of God’s work make God frown and wring His hands. Can you imagine? God went through all the trouble to put temptation in our path, and we have the gall to attempt to deny it.

"Now I know there’s some of you who hear the word temptation, and you think of Satan.

"Okay, okay. But who created Satan? God. God created Satan and God made sin possible. And God loves his sinner. Without the opportunity to forgive Sin, what would the Master do? I ask you. What? What? Without sin, God might be forced to Sin himself and can you imagine a God driven to that?

"No, God wants you to sin, so He can do what He does--and that is to forgive."

The audience applauded and stomped its feet. Some stood up and cupped their hands to their mouths to project their voices. "God loves a sinner," someone called and several in the audience took it up as a chant.

Maloney silenced them by holding up a hand.

"God wants you to enjoy all his fruits, and one of those fruits is sin. Now, I’m not preaching about Adam and Eve. I don’t care nothing about Adam and Eve. I am not talking about Moses, or Jesus, or Buddah, or Muhammed. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, you can still come to the Church of the All-Forgiving and accept God’s blessing, and then go out and sin some more. And unlike some of those religions, you don’t have to be penitent about your sinning. You can march in here with your head held high and say, ‘Yeah, that’s right, I robbed the corner market and I’m damned proud. God forgive me. And he will! He will! Just like that. And then if you want, you can go right on back to your synagogues, your churches, or your mosques or temples."Maloney ran to one side of the audience. "Cheat on your wife? God will forgive you."

He ran to the other side. "Steal from work? God loves you."

He bent over and pushed his face into the face of a short man with the bulging eyes of hyperthyroidism.

"Beat your wife? Kill your husband? God doesn’t care. The bigger the sin, the better the forgiveness. And don’t God give good forgiveness? Amen."


"Let me hear you stand in the moment. Let me hear you celebrate the God of this second. Let me hear it."

"Is," shouted a man who secretly carved obscene words into library books.

"Is," uttered a woman who worked as a waitress in a five star restaurant and regularly drooled saliva into the soup of annoying customers.

"Is!" A pedophile screamed shrilly.

"IS!" The word sucked the sin from them and glorified it.



Lori Witzel said...

Yes, the temperature in the room dropped out here as I read on...chilling. I could almost hear The Reverend slightly swell with each increasingly awful wave of call-and-response.

In other words, I liked.
And, you're linked!

Thanks for your patience re: the link, just been a wildly busy time. Thank goodness for a little time off to wander and create.

Susan Miller said...

Good, good stuff so I want to know more about this character. Can't wait till it hits the bookshelves! Tell those prospective publishers that you already have a sale.

Jon said...

I have had the opportunity to read the book. I've read a lot of books. A LOT of books. This one is in my top ten.

miller580 said...

More...Give us more!